Before having little bear I was petrified of having a baby, not of labour but of the actual looking after bit. There is very little out there to read about this – everywhere focues on labour and the bliss that follows.
One night in December 2013 I verbalised this it what is now a comical incident.
I was using my patience testing laptop to create a photobook as part of my nephew’s Christmas present. Hours had been spent compiling photos, creating backgrounds, adding titles…and then the laptop stopped. Frozen. Dead.
I had a plate of chow mein on my lap at the time. It got slammed to the floor.
The laptop was hit (this definately helped).
And I broke down! I hollered, “I can’t do anything! I’ve broken the laptop and I’m going to break the baby!!!!”
Reasonable assumption, I know. Laptops and babies have very similar wants and needs.
I have to say, I spent most of my pregnancy wondering how on earth I would cope and thinking about how quickly I could get back to work. Day dreaming mummy was not idealistic pre-birth!!
And then he arrived, silently slipping into the world ready to break my heart with every glance. Almost at once my fears were gone, although I couldn’t quite bring myself to be the first one to dress him!
Motherhood doesn’t have to be fearful, and it doesn’t have to be fearless…but it should be honest and open. We should feel able to talk about our worries without needing to destroy a piece of technology first!
The Day Dreaming Mummy